Pregnancy Withdraw?

Yes, I think I have it.  I can understand how some moms get ppd, (which I think I had after Averie).  I miss being pregnant.

When you're pregnant, you have something in common with just a few women in the world.  You can read posts on mothering dot com about your stage in pregnancy and relate to them.

You can walk through the mall and have people stop and ask you about your pregnancy.  When you're due, whether you know if you're having a boy or girl.

You can take it easy, people do things for you because you are so tired and they love you.

And, believe it or not, it's a little fun for me to deliver.  I feel like I'm so good at it, now.  I understand the process, even the complications.  In the hospital, you have people waiting on you, bringing you food and juice.  (Although, this hospital we were just in was so junky, they sure need to remodel it!)

I miss these things.

I think I also am kind of sad because I know this is my last baby.  We don't have any more embryos frozen, and I'm pretty sure we aren't looking at conceiving naturally.  Honestly, 3 children is just perfect for us, I couldn't wish for more children.  But, still...

This is a strange feeling, this pregnancy withdraw.

But, there's also the joy of watching my newborn grow.  She's 7 weeks old, now, and smiling and cooing.  And sleeping many hours at a time through the night!  I'm loving spending time with her, enjoying my last baby.

And, looking forward to the time when my girls are older.  When they are in school, learning so much daily.  Playing sports, teaching each other about life, learning about God.

I'm glad I have 4 sisters and a brother so I can enjoy their pregnancies and newborns.

Wow, I'm old!

What I think of as I wait for this baby...

As I sit here being grumpy that I'm almost 3 days past my due date, I reflect on how I "know" I'm 3 days past.  It's because I know exactly how old my baby is.  It's because my baby was a frozen embryo for 5 years before it began growing inside me.

I think of how lucky I am.  I survived 5 years of infertility.  I survived a near-cancer diagnosis and a year of treatment.  I survived IVF and all those shots.  I was lucky - I got pregnant the first time.  I had embryos leftover to freeze.  I have two beautiful girls and a baby on the way from that cycle.  I have 2 angel babies waiting for me in heaven.

So many people aren't as lucky as me.  So many are still waiting for that first baby.  So many keep getting pregnant but losing their babies.  So many are waiting on adoption for their baby.  So many have given up on ever having a baby.

So, even as I sit here hoping the storms outside and the full moon tonight will relieve me from this uncomfortable pregnancy, I couldn't be happier that I'm pregnant.  I can't believe how lucky I am that I can sit here, listen to my one daughter singing songs I can't understand and the other one singing songs I really can't understand.  Listening to them fighting over a chair one minute, then playing together giggling the next.  Waiting anxiously to meet the "baby" as they both love to say.

Our News

Well, since it seems everyone knows already, I guess I'll tell you faithful readers - in case you haven't heard yet...
We are expecting our third child!
I'm deathly ill.  I spent 3 weeks on the couch.  Moaning.  I'm so glad Troy has a job that allows him to work from home so he can take care of the girls, (and me).
I'm due on August 22, three days before Averie's birthday :-)

Oh, and I get to pack up my house, clean it from top to bottom, and move across the country in 3 weeks.

Now, this is also our last child.  How can I be so sure?  Well, barring a miracle, that is, I can be sure.  I have infertility, and tried for 5 years to get pregnant before being blessed with our first daughter.  We did IVF to get pregnant with her.  Our second is a result of a frozen transfer from the IVF.  And, this baby is the last of our embryos.  So, that's how I can be so sure.

Those of my friends dealing with IF, I hope this doesn't hurt you too much.  I know it's going to hurt a bit - a lot, that's inevitable.  Know that I have my fingers crossed for you and your miracles, too!

Oh, I am feeling a little bit better.  I am just so nauseas all day long, and exhausted, but I am better than I was 3 weeks ago, so says Troy.