Pregnancy Withdraw?

Yes, I think I have it.  I can understand how some moms get ppd, (which I think I had after Averie).  I miss being pregnant.

When you're pregnant, you have something in common with just a few women in the world.  You can read posts on mothering dot com about your stage in pregnancy and relate to them.

You can walk through the mall and have people stop and ask you about your pregnancy.  When you're due, whether you know if you're having a boy or girl.

You can take it easy, people do things for you because you are so tired and they love you.

And, believe it or not, it's a little fun for me to deliver.  I feel like I'm so good at it, now.  I understand the process, even the complications.  In the hospital, you have people waiting on you, bringing you food and juice.  (Although, this hospital we were just in was so junky, they sure need to remodel it!)

I miss these things.

I think I also am kind of sad because I know this is my last baby.  We don't have any more embryos frozen, and I'm pretty sure we aren't looking at conceiving naturally.  Honestly, 3 children is just perfect for us, I couldn't wish for more children.  But, still...

This is a strange feeling, this pregnancy withdraw.

But, there's also the joy of watching my newborn grow.  She's 7 weeks old, now, and smiling and cooing.  And sleeping many hours at a time through the night!  I'm loving spending time with her, enjoying my last baby.

And, looking forward to the time when my girls are older.  When they are in school, learning so much daily.  Playing sports, teaching each other about life, learning about God.

I'm glad I have 4 sisters and a brother so I can enjoy their pregnancies and newborns.

Wow, I'm old!

The baby is here!

And, we have...


...Another girl!

She's beautiful.  And big.  She was born Saturday night, weighing over 8 pounds!

I'll post pictures and details soon.  Right now, sleep is very important.

What 40 weeks, 5 days looks like

Although I'm much bigger than last picture, I feel much better.  Besides a horrible headache and heartburn, I'm just really tired.  Could be because I stayed up until 1am last night...

My wonderful sister and brother-in-law took the girls to the beach today so Troy could get some work done around the house and I could get some walking, (and shopping), in.  Maybe the walking will do it?

What I think of as I wait for this baby...

As I sit here being grumpy that I'm almost 3 days past my due date, I reflect on how I "know" I'm 3 days past.  It's because I know exactly how old my baby is.  It's because my baby was a frozen embryo for 5 years before it began growing inside me.

I think of how lucky I am.  I survived 5 years of infertility.  I survived a near-cancer diagnosis and a year of treatment.  I survived IVF and all those shots.  I was lucky - I got pregnant the first time.  I had embryos leftover to freeze.  I have two beautiful girls and a baby on the way from that cycle.  I have 2 angel babies waiting for me in heaven.

So many people aren't as lucky as me.  So many are still waiting for that first baby.  So many keep getting pregnant but losing their babies.  So many are waiting on adoption for their baby.  So many have given up on ever having a baby.

So, even as I sit here hoping the storms outside and the full moon tonight will relieve me from this uncomfortable pregnancy, I couldn't be happier that I'm pregnant.  I can't believe how lucky I am that I can sit here, listen to my one daughter singing songs I can't understand and the other one singing songs I really can't understand.  Listening to them fighting over a chair one minute, then playing together giggling the next.  Waiting anxiously to meet the "baby" as they both love to say.

What 40 weeks pregnant looks like

From the side.

And head-on.

Do I look uncomfortable?

What a day

After a sleepless night, (I believe I got about 3 hours of sleep), we packed up and headed to church for Cam to register and do her skill test for Upward soccer.  Troy was there to help with registration, and it was way too humid for me to stay, so we left and went to the mall right down the street to do some shopping.

Here's Camdyn running.  (She did really great, kicked the ball all the way through the cones, but I couldn't get a pic of that - all I had was my phone.)

So, we piled into the van and headed out.  As I was driving through the parking lot, I noticed a flash of blue sneaking behind our dumpster and shed.  I tried to see who it was as I drove past but I couldn't.  I didn't think anything of it, because, being in our climate and so close to the beach, there are often homeless people hanging out somewhere on our land.

We went to Marshalls, because I was in the mood for sneakers.  But, didn't find any.  I did find some great towels, a candle and a container for sugars for our church coffee ministry.  We spent almost an hour there, then decided it was time to head back to see if Daddy was ready to come home.  As we were standing in line, we started hearing a chopper right overhead.  Some people in line said it was the trauma chopper, that they land in our church's field and meet the ambulance there.

We paid and headed out to the van.  Which was quite a walk, because we had arrived right when the store opened, we couldn't get a close spot so I had to park at the far side of the lot...near the bank.  Yep, the 9 month pregnant lady with 2 little girls.  What a sight we were, I'm sure.

The chopper kept flying over us, and as I drove back to church, I thought it was odd that a Maryland State Trooper chopper was the trauma chopper.  I said so when I talked to Troy, and he said they had already talked to the emergency team about landing in our field, (since there were children kicking soccer balls all over it.)

Well...

Come to find out, a few minutes later, the bank I had parked right in front of was robbed, and the robber was sneaking around our church trying to escape.  If only I had paid more attention to the flash of blue that I saw, he might have been caught.

In other news, I am 4 hours, 10 minutes from my due date and still no baby...

Am I still pregnant?

Yes.

Due in two days.

Still no baby yet.

This child is going to be HUGE when he/she is born.

I bet it's a boy.

Wish we had some good names ready.  Maybe that's why we have no baby yet, anyone want to help us come up with the perfect name.

Honestly, we don't love any of the first ones on our list, and we have no middle names picked out.

This baby could be "baby boy/girl Chute" for quite a while...

39 Weeks, 4 Days...

And still pregnant.  I wish this baby would hurry up and get out here to meet us!

I'm not sleeping well.  I itch when I lay down, I can't sleep on my back, of course, and I really can't sleep on either side.  For the past 2 nights, I haven't been able to fall asleep until 3am.  Luckily, I can sleep until about 8am each day.

I'm having contractions all day.  If only they were true labor contractions, but the BH's.

I'm nauseas.  I guess my "morning sickness" has returned.  Ick.

But, each week at the doctor, seems I'm progressing, that's good news :)

Maybe...

Spending time with the girls

I've been trying to spend time with the girls now, since I'm off work for a while, before the baby comes.  It's not easy, they really enjoy being together.

Over the weekend, Troy's brother was visiting.  One day while they went to the beach, my sister-in-law and I went shopping with Cam.  (I only made it to 2 stores, I am tiring really easily...)

Old Navy had this cut-out for taking pictures.  Someone had decided it was for throwing a football through, but after Cam tried and failed, I explained what it really was for, and she posed...

I haven't taken Averie anywhere alone, but have spent time with her in the morning before her sister has woken up.  Here she is enjoying her cereal while watching tv...

We hoped to go to the playground with the cousins yesterday, but I felt very sick, I didn't feel comfortable leaving the house.  They came over to play and we had a great time doing that.  It's so nice to have them nearby :)

Grumpy

I am so grumpy.  It's a good thing I'm already on maternity leave from work, where I'm supposed to smile welcomingly and greet my guests by name while calling their drink that I have memorized.  (Yes, that's the truth, but I'm not good at that yet...)

Instead I believe if I were working I would be leaning on the counter barely looking up when someone came in the door.  I bet that's why my boss sent me on leave early.

If this baby were following in Averie's footsteps, he/she would be born in the next 3 hours.  But, no, not looking like it.

I'm in pain, feeling full, my stomach muscles are sore from contractions that aren't doing much, tired, hungry.  Grumpy.

But, I'm so excited to meet this baby.  I can't wait to see him/her, to see who she/he resembles.  I see pictures of newborns in magazines and get so excited to meet mine.  Even anticipating the after-birth body pains, the sleepless nights, the crying, the "how in the world will I hold onto 3 children's hands while crossing the street", I'm ready to meet this little one.

One more set of maternity pictures

I know a bunch of my readers come over from infertility blogs, and I know it's not easy to read about other people's pregnancies when you're going through infertility.  I know it's not easy to read about them even if you have succeeded in becoming pregnant or adopting.  So, I try to make sure you can tell from my title if there will be something to avoid in my post of not.

Just an FYI, over the next couple of weeks, you will probably see quite a few to avoid...

We experimented with the self-timer on my camera yesterday and got some pics of Troy and I with the new, unborn baby.

Camdyn really wanted to be in one of the pictures,

I think I may need to make my white stronger in my editing.

Super fast posing = funny arm placement

"Maternity Pictures"

I did the professional maternity pictures with Camdyn, and I think I did them with Averie?  (Sorry, middle child syndrome.)

I was all set to do them with this baby when I had a brainstorm.  I thought it might be awesome to take pictures with the girls and new baby once the baby is here instead of using the ones the hospital photographer takes.  You know, the one where they lay the baby on the sheet of paper, (or white sheet if you get the new, fancy photo company), and take a few pictures and charge you $150.

So, I have a friend who is a professional photographer who has agreed to come take pics of all of us when we get home.  Yay!

Which means, I probably shouldn't spend the extra money on maternity pictures.  I have a great camera, why not take them ourselves?

So, that's what we did.  Of course, I waited until Averie was past her nap time, so she was hard to get to cooperate.  But, I did get a couple of neat ones.

(I don't have any with Troy yet, he was the photographer.  We'll work on that tonight.)

Today, at the doctor, I weighed the same that I did last week.  But, looking at these pictures, I see how much water I'm retaining - look at my cheeks!!!

He was encouraging - he said to schedule my appointment for next week, but that he didn't expect me to make it that long.  Yay!

(Watch me go to 41 weeks...)

...On being a SAHM

I used to be a stay-at-home-mom.  Until I had to get a job.  For health insurance.  Did you know that if there's a pregnant wife in a family, it's nearly impossible for anyone in the family to get health insurance?  Well, it wasn't that way until recently, and our State Farm agent really dropped the ball, (interpreted - was lazy), and resulted in our not being able to purchase insurance.  We did qualify and get Maryland state health insurance, but it's pretty expensive.

So, I have been working full-time for part of the spring and all summer.  I love my job, but I love staying home, too.

I just began working only part-time this week.  So, I've had two days off in a row!  Yesterday, we drove to Ikea.  I'm used to having an Ikea within less than 1/2 hour of my house, but here, it's way on the other side of the bay.  So, since we were dropping off a dear friend at the airport, we went early to shop!  And...the store was closed.  Apparently, the small thunderstorm that went through the night before made the power go out.  It was so disappointing.  Oh well, what can you do?

Today, we hit the Goodwill store, (didn't find anything), got a car wash and went to the library.  The girls love the library, it has computers, fun games and tons of books!  We try to go every two weeks - when the books are due, and every once in a while, we hit "Books and Baristas" that my store does, since they serve snacks ;)

It's fun being a SAHM again - but it sure is stressful.  I can barely handle the two girls, what am I going to do when I have a third?  It really helps that Camdyn is getting old enough to help me out.

Here's Averie playing with the piggy puppet.

The girls played with the magnets too.  And a cool fishing toy that's new to the library.

And, they love mirrors!

And, since Troy had two softball games tonight and I can't take the heat/humidity, we headed to Target during the game.  I had to get stuff for my hospital bag - I guess I've delayed it long enough.  Honestly, I'm just a little superstitious about it - with Averie, it was the morning after I shopped and packed my bag that my water broke.

I don't want to have the baby this week.  I would love to meet him/her, but Camdyn's birthday is Thursday and I don't want to take the attention away from her special time.

But, Sunday is August 1, and I would feel comfortable with the baby coming that day or any day after that.

Back to the bag, I love packing a hospital bag.  I love buying all the travel sizes and trying new items.  I found an awesome new shower gel from Averie's bag, wonder what I'll find out of this one!

I decided to give a different style of tank a try for nursing.  I typically get the real nursing ones Target sells, but these were prettier.  I'm hoping they work...

I guess even though I haven't packed the bag, I could just grab my target bag and go, lol!

A long time coming update

We have been gone on vacation in a nice, big city - with terrible internet.  All last week we were on vaca in a huge hotel, but I was only able to get online once.  That's okay, it meant we could spend more time swimming or shopping :)

It was hot, very hot.  It really wore me out.  Nearly 100* each day.

I'll post pictures later, maybe after I get the July 4 pictures posted...

Here's a pic to tide you over.  Our hidden baby at 35 weeks this past Sunday night. (And the baby's sisters...)

It seems the baby has dropped.  My sisters told Troy that they noticed a difference in the week we were together, and a ton of customers at work this week are making comments, so it must be obvious.  I'm having a lot of cramps and BH contrax, but not much more.  We'll see what the doc says today.

Troy's on his way out of town this morning, not coming back until Friday night.  I think he's nervous that he's going to get a call to rush home, like he did when I went into labor with Averie, but I don't think so.

Hope not.  We're not anywhere close to having a name picked out.  We don't know if this baby is a boy or girl, so we have to have both.  We have a very small list, and don't really love any of the names.  Ugh.

The answer

Okay, sorry to have not answered sooner about the baby.  I really wanted to include our ultrasound pictures - we got a 4D one!  But, I haven't set my Mac up for the scanner, and Troy's been so busy preparing a presentation for work, we haven't scanned them.  So, I'll just surprise you soon with them :)

The answer is...No, we didn't find out the sex of the baby.  It was so tempting, each time the tech asked us to close our eyes, to just peak a little.  I've had enough ultrasounds that I can tell what a girl looks like.  But, I didn't peak.  Really!

I'll leave you with a picture from our weekend.  An easter picture of the girls and their cousin in their matching dresses.

Our Ultrasound

We had the 20 week ultrasound for our baby today.  It's not quite 20 weeks, and the baby is back to measuring due August 24.  (that was our origional due date, but since we transfered 2 3-day embryos and 1 5-day embryo, it could be August 22.  since that's how the baby was measuring, that's what we went with.)

Oh well, I'm still sticking with the 22nd.

We got some great pics of the baby.  I'll show them, after Troy has time to scan them for me.  I haven't had time to add the scanner program to the Mac.

Oh, did we find out if we're having a boy or girl?

Well...

Stretch marks

Already.  They aren't new, they're the ones I got with my last pregnancy.  But, I saw them this morning for the first time in over a year.  I wasn't happy.

I hope they don't get bad.  They did disappear after I lost my last baby weight. Only to reappear just in time for spring.

Please don't grow or change color.  Please go away in a year.  Please?

Ugh.

A short baby update

Since I should be blogging daily, and since I can't figure out the picture thing, I took a new baby picture with the Mac.  It's good for something, at least.
I am wearing a belt with my too big jeans, so I look like I'm really thick waisted.  I hope that's not true, but I think it may be.  Here's how big she is at 15 weeks...

And a fun one...

I am going to my new doctor tomorrow.  I had quite a time making an appointment with them - it took me about 5 weeks due to the strange lady who answered the phone.  I think she was trying her best to not allow any new patients.

Nearing the end...

Of our life in Ohio, that is.  We have a 26 foot truck in the driveway that we'll start loading tomorrow.  We're planning on driving out early Wednesday morning.  Hopefully I will feel well for the whole trip.

I am going to miss living here.  Yes, the church elders treated us horribly, I can honestly say this is the worst church experience I've ever had, and believe me, I've had some bad ones.  But, the people in the town have become even nicer to us.  They actually say they expected the church to get rid of us, even though they were hoping things would be different.  It's nice to feel the love and have it reinforced that we are doing the right thing.  I just wish we could take all the people of the church with us, they are wonderful, trusting people.  I hope things work out for them, whatever that may be.

We're also nearing the end of the first trimester!  Tomorrow begins 13 weeks, so yay for 2nd trimester.  Hopefully, I'll keep feeling better and have a sudden recovery.

I'm on my old computer because, although I put the Nikon transfer program on the Mac, I can't get any pictures to transfer.  Grrr....

Here are some pictures of our snowy week...

She made snow angels.  I think they turned out great!

...wishing she were outside too...

Under 200 days!

I usually don't go to my blog page, I just check on my dashboard.  But, I went to my page today to check how many days are left until my due date, (I have a ticker).  It's 195 days!  I am so excited to be under 200.  Plus, I had a feeling good day today.  It's because Troy's out of town.  It seems the last two times he's been gone, I've felt good, so I could take care of the girls.  Maybe it's all in my head.

Here's a picture of the baby belly at 12 weeks, 1 day...

And yes, it's taken with my new Mac!  Yay!!!

Which leads me to another camera question.  What is your favorite editing program?  I could probably buy one, I usually get what I want, ha ha, but I would love to find a free one right now.  And, it has to be great on Macs.

I took some neat pictures of the ice this morning, but they're on my other computer.  I will see if I have enough initiative to grab it and add them.

(I need to work on figuring out how to use my lenses better.)

We had the craziest storm Friday night.  It was so blowy.  We were at a friend's house and had to drive home through it.  We weren't worried since we have a 4 wheel drive truck, but it wasn't really even necessary most of the drive.  It was blowing so bad, it was "white out" conditions.  I have never experienced anything so bad.  A couple of times, we had to stop and figure out exactly where the road was judging by the telephone poles.

Ah, the joy of living in farmland.